Operation Sanity: Fall 2012

REMEMBER:

1. Mommy is still rooting for you!
2. Go the library if the house becomes too distracting
3. When utilizing your home office, begin your day with a clear, direct, and regimented schedule of tasks that you planned the night before. Turn off the internet connection and get to work!
4. It’s OK to continue sewing, so-called “pleasure reading,” and indulging in an occasional(KEYWORD!!!!) guilty pleasure that is a total waste of time. Mine is watching Basketball Wives {hangs head in shame} or reading Yoga Journal and Lucky. Grad students who act like they are so academically devout aren’t better than me. In fact, they’re probably miserable or lying.
5. As Mini-Me says, “You’re my Mommy not a machine.” Take care of yourself! Lean on your sisters, friends, and mentors. Ask for help! Remember that you ALWAYS  feel BETTER after you run and do yoga and LOUSY after you eat M&Ms. As I take care of myself, I promise to be mindful of burnout. Before I reach that point, I will set any offenders on fire and refuel myself with the energy of the blaze.

Although I started reluctantly, I know this is going to be a great semester!

In a Room of My Own Tending My Mothers' Gardens: The Only Way Forward Is with a Broken Heart...

Broken hearts, burnout, and weary spirits are inevitable. Internal conflict changes us. External conflict may even rearrange our countenace for good or bad (the choice is our own). However, Alice Walker's autobiography says it all in the title The Only Way Forward Is with a Broken Heart.

The only forward motion I could make in the past year was in a circle as I dealt with so much uncertainty, self-doubt, indecision.

It's time to move forward broken heart and all.

The Mid-PhD Burnout

I'm actually more than halfway there, and I feel like a hit a brick wall that is six feet thick.

I never anticipated the amount of politicking that this process would involve.  I went into my program knowing what my responsibilities and expectations were.  However, I had NO idea what my department or adviser's expectations were to me. 

I read Getting What You Came For and Becoming a Master Student before I started my first semester.  I was naive enough to believe that if I did my work excellently and stuck to my plan that I would have smooth travels.  My state of mind was like taking a hike through the Rockies in flip flops with a cup of Starbucks. 

The only thing that has kept me hanging in there is my passion for research in art history and black cultural studies.  I am a quintessential nerd whose heart races as I open my new textbooks and skim through them to anticipate my path through the material.  I get excited in the stationary aisle, because I never want to run out of ink or lead.  Yes -- I was a front row center kind of  girl. 

That was before my plan began to furiously unravel...