Operation Sanity: Fall 2012

REMEMBER:

1. Mommy is still rooting for you!
2. Go the library if the house becomes too distracting
3. When utilizing your home office, begin your day with a clear, direct, and regimented schedule of tasks that you planned the night before. Turn off the internet connection and get to work!
4. It’s OK to continue sewing, so-called “pleasure reading,” and indulging in an occasional(KEYWORD!!!!) guilty pleasure that is a total waste of time. Mine is watching Basketball Wives {hangs head in shame} or reading Yoga Journal and Lucky. Grad students who act like they are so academically devout aren’t better than me. In fact, they’re probably miserable or lying.
5. As Mini-Me says, “You’re my Mommy not a machine.” Take care of yourself! Lean on your sisters, friends, and mentors. Ask for help! Remember that you ALWAYS  feel BETTER after you run and do yoga and LOUSY after you eat M&Ms. As I take care of myself, I promise to be mindful of burnout. Before I reach that point, I will set any offenders on fire and refuel myself with the energy of the blaze.

Although I started reluctantly, I know this is going to be a great semester!

TENDING MY MOTHERS' GARDENS IN A ROOM OF MY OWN: A Time to...

I never watched my mother or grandmothers get harried over New Year’s Day, in the way that I have over the past few days. Their only requisites were an immaculately organized and well stocked home with pots of greens and black-eyed peas cooking—no sweat! Unlike my wise foremothers, my energy levels have ebbed and flowed frenetically as I plotted my next move for 2012. My plan has to be on paper by December 31!

I continued to make lists and organize, only to make more lists and reorganize. My energy was of the destructive variety: the kind that uproots harvests before they’re ripe and struggles to plant seed in frozen ground. My turning point was anxiety that manifested physically my chest. I took a moment to collect my calm with my  Henri Bendel Vanilla Bean Candle and a cup of (decaffeinated!) Zhena’s Fireside Chai. Breathe…in 1,2,3,4,5; out 1,2,3,4,5

My ancestors recognized the power of seasons, so New Year’s Day didn’t cause them to lose their cool. They weren’t distracted by human demarcations on their life goals, because everything had its own time and season. I felt my own seasons shift in June, and again radically in August.

"To everything there is a season,
and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3:10, AMP)

I let all the articles and posts about resolutions get to me and make me feel as if what I was doing (my list of thirty-two things to accomplish before I turn thirty-two) wasn’t enough. All those articles and posts I’ve collected are pretty awesome, but I’ll file them away for the start of my next season.

WHAT I'LL WEAR TOMORROW (with a small intervention): A Bunny Dress By Erin Fetherston for Target

There’s this dress. It’s a whimsical | flirty | fun | pretty | candy store all mixed together.

 

Getting into this dress may require a little intervention. Hopefully, it won't look anything like this:

AN ART NERD'S NIGHT IN

Tonight I'll be home watching my DVD set of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency with the illustrious Jill Scott as Precious Ramotswe.

PLOT: Precious leaves the past and the countryside of Botswana behind to start a detective agency in Gaborone after her father's death. She uses the monetary gifts and priceless lessons that her father has given her to become the best detective in the region.

The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency has always been one of my favorite shows but I identified with the Precious character more after my Mum passed away. In one episode she says, "When an esteemed loved one dies, she becomes an ancestor. Those she left behind can depend on her wisdom and guidance if they honor her by leading a successful, productive being, living to one's full, god-given potential." Of course I feverishly began to strategically plan my goals, thinking about the lessons that my mother and grandmothers taught me...

Another reason that I identify with Precious is because of her penchant for unconscious munching as she sits in contemplation. It became a nasty habit of mine in graduate school. One of her clients calls her "the fattest tart in Gaborone," and in another case she is taunted by the women that she is investigating at a pageant...my inner critic has gotten to me--just a smoothie for me tonight.

I hope that your night out or in is a great one!

Today is World AIDS Day

The statistics concerning HIV/AIDS infection and black women are staggering. Black women are still disproportionately affected by this heinous disease. The odds seem like they are against us. Is it because we don’t respect the wisdom of the ‘fro? Have we fallen for that Superwoman hype? Or is it that we must speak of this issue in hushed tones while the tempest howls around us? My dearest Zora Neale Hurston, we will not be the world’s stubborn mules!

There is hope. Scientists make progress everyday, coming closer to a cure. Medicines allow those infected with HIV & AIDS to live longer and more productive lives.

Here are some resources below, but there is nothing like a girlfriend who’ll listen to you vent and dismiss the stigma. Open your heart. There may be someone waiting in the most unlikely place…

CDC (Centers for Disease Control) have joined with these organizations:
Willow (Women involved in life learning from other women)
Sister to Sister and SIHLE
Nia
d-up: Defend Yourself!! and Many Men, Many Voices
Support joinred.com because 100% of proceeds go to a global fund that supports communities in Africa devastated by HIV/AIDS.

RESPECT THE WISDOM OF THE ‘FRO

I’m supposed to be taking a year off of grad school to rest & rejuvenate. I’m scratching my head, because I don’t think it’s happening. It’s so not happening!

•I promised myself I’d go to a Yoga retreat this year in Atlanta -- it’s come and gone.

•The spa trip I’ve been planning for months…

•The weekend at Lake Oconee…

•The hiking in North Georgia…

•The membership to Yoga Moga…

•And meditation classes…

•The pink Schwinn cruiser…

Who inspired this sudden epiphany? Two women with the most magical afros that I’ve ever seen (besides my Mum's) – Tracee Ellis Ross and Michaela Angela Davis.

My long lost girlfriend, Tracee Ellis Ross revealed in an interview that after Girlfriends she was able “to do all the other things that fill (her) well” (Jet 10.10/17.2011, 21). I read that sentence at least five times because I didn't get it – really.  As a military wife, my husband’s core values became my own: Service before self makes self care almost impossible.

[On a side note, I love how Ross incorporates the realities of military life in her projects. I will always remember Joan kidnapping Aaron to flee to Mexico to escape his deployment. Helen’s phone call with her son in Afghanistan last week was such a sweet moment and I’m eager to see if Dr. Carla Reed can intervene in any of Helen’s residual trauma.]

And then came the Tweet from @MADvison (22 October 2011):  

“Self Care is not self indulgent, Self Destruction is. This has been my recent deep consideration. Care for self with stillness, wholesome food, prayer, excellent medical, emotional, physical attention, are soul/love based. Learning addictions, obsessions, resistance are so ego/fear rooted. How do you self care & self indulge?” 

I sat holding my Blackberry thinking too hard about a question that I already had the answer to…

TO BE CONTINUED

TENDING MY MOTHERS' GARDENS IN A ROOM OF MY OWN



This lamp sold out quickly at Anthopologie but
 there are quite a few sites that offer
 DIY advice to create this
 lamp inexpensively.
As a memento, I may try my hand at this soon .

I had the blessing of having an overtly creative mother and grandmother.  Their talents were so influential to who I am now: how I dress, decorate, cook, and so on. My mother was a gifted interior stylist who had a keen eye for antiques.  As I mentioned in a previous post, she was most interested in the Victorian era and all of its flourishes, florals, lace, and rich wood accents.  One of my five siblings can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm having a very difficult time remembering her ever drinking out of a mug.  She always took her tea in a delicate, sliver- rimmed cup and saucer with two sugars and a spot of cream. When I was little my older sister and I had a tea set as well (and it was not plastic). We often mimicked our mother's graceful morning ritual with our own tea parties.
Somewhere between the age of eight and now, I lost that treasured ease of preparing and properly enjoying tea.  One morning in one of my clumsy moments of haste, I reached for my reusable(ecochic) Starbuck's ceramic cup and cringed as it crashed into shards onto the floor. 
It was the end of an era. Somehow, I feel like I got some of my sanity back-- the sanity I lost during those treks down I-75 gulping enough Starbuck's coffee to keep me up for weeks on end.  I know there will still be some all nighters in my future as a PhD candidate after this hiatus, but I will no longer make it a lifestyle.

I have gardens to tend...